10 Habits Of Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves

1 – Blade Runner is cool now, people used to take the piss out of it, you can drop that into conversation. It’s cause there were two cuts. I (personally) quite like the original cut with the voice over cause it’s more gumshoe trash, you don’t have to, but if you say you do you will become “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves”

And think about it, that’s just PART 1. Fucking crikey, I know, I know. Let’s hit the pause button so we can take a break so we don’t implode in on ourselves… BUT WAIT that’s actually number:

2 – Don’t implode in on yourself. An “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” would never implode. They just wouldn’t do it. Maybe they’d get a hint of “oh sweet Christ, I think I’m about to implode!” but they never would say it out loud, and they would never actually do it. It’s pretty much why Habit 1 was so mind-blowing (and it was, face it), it was to sort the wheat from the chaff. The Chaff being you my misguided friend, but you won’t be Chaff no more if you read the rest of this list

3 – Lists are for squares. That goes for quizzes to. An “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” would already know the answer. It’s Yoda, no matter what the quiz you say “I don’t need to do it, I know the answer, it’s Yoda” say it clear and often. People will respect your insight. Then they will go fuck themselves while you watch but make sure you never…

4 – Cry. One “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” once took out his own eyeballs so he’d never have this problem again. I think it was after Wall-E came out or Up or Trucks or one of those things. So scared he was of ever breaking down again he dug ‘em out with a broken CD copy of Radiohead’s OK COMPUTER. This all made a lot of sense. He already knows the answer to the quiz thing (It’s Yoda).

5 – Lovemaking. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” only make the sweetest of love if there is a camera there. If there is no camera, DO NOT make love. EVER.

6 – Music. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” do not like music.

7 – Politics. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” do not like politics.

8 – Religion. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” are their own deity

9 – Health. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” have no flaws and will live forever in a bubble of awesomeness within which there are nothing but OTHER “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” and a shit load of cameras for making sweet love. This is all their body needs to survive, they do not need food, but cocaine and alcohol are permitted. Which is why they are thin and “really cool”.

10 – “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” wouldn’t waste their time reading the 10 Habits Of Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves. Because they are already awesome and cool.

So, now we know, why not take the quiz? Are you a “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves”?

 

Grimes Vs Boiler Room Vs Infinity

MyAmiSw8(Pictured Grimes and her first group, the supergroup of MyAmiSw8 (Miami Sweat) with bandmates (L-R) Jonathan “Korn” Kurnz, Den “Don’t Call Me Deniel” Harrow and Oates “Yes I am Oates” Oates)

We all remember Grimes from pop sensation MyAmiSw8, with hits like “Touch Not Enough” and “Move Along (I Got No Change Today)” MyAmiSw8’s unique blend of Latin Jazz and Scottish Folk was more than enough to turn heads. But since going solo Grimes has racked up a fair few hits by herself, which lead to the unpleasantness yesterday, when she was invited to DJ at Ritchie Hawthorne’s Volcano Mansion Island.

An exited group of people attended, but then Grimes did something unexpected and everyone in the whole world got upset. She didn’t do that thing where you thought she might do, resulting in at least 200,000 deaths.

One audience member remarked “Yes I am upset, I had pets and they died, it’s like that except it is happening again right now”

Former bandmate Jonathan Kurnz when interviewed said “It good, DJ too serious now. Take someone to show new doing. Anyway, Volcano hot and danger”

Boiling Rum president Lance Henrikson took to their official website to state “We certainly wouldn’t get this kind of behavior on the set of Aliens or the hit TV show Millennium, James Cameron and The Other Chris Carter would sit everyone down and say ‘not nothing going get done now everybody be weeping’ and that would be that.”

Members of the international DJ community began “Operation: Mindcrime” an online tactic developed by DJ Sexl3ss and infamous DJ duo Gettin’ Nun N’ No Chance which promises to “restore balance through accusation”

When asked to clarify DJ Sexl3ss went on record to say “Oh that be simple, if they are a woman we say ‘You like men’ and if they are a man we say ‘You like men’ it is super helpful if they are Black or Chinese or something then we can attach comments about their race too.”

When questioned further this journalist was told that he “liked men”

The death toll continues to rise.

I’m Bored! Let’s Panic About…

MINDMOON

 

 

 

 

…the on-going EDM saga. I made my position quite clear (I thought) after I posted about how seemingly upset people got over the Paris Hilton DJ thing here: http://antonmaiof.wordpress.com/2012/06/26/your-precious-edm/

With some hindsight, it’s mostly just people jealous that they aren’t rich and can’t do whatever they want, whenever they want. Lord knows I can’t. I made a huge vegetable chilli a few days back and I’m still eating it. Cooking: A life skill. Very useful. I’ll make a great wife someday, but I digress…

This article here: http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/199160/edm-is-the-new-american-bubble/ continues this panic, with the revelation that “media group SFX Entertainment and organizer of Live Nation (a Clear Channel subsidiary), is openly planning to build a $1 billion EDM empire by buying out promoters and event organizers.” Which I suppose is worrying, not particularly to me, but for my friends who are doing quite well at the moment, entering a world of corruption, secret handshakes, triangle pendants and holographic planes, lizard people, hollow moon’s built for mind control or whatever.

The problem I’m having with all this terrible panic, is that, it basically is wrapped with a little bit of contempt for people, who, let’s face it, are just going out to escape their pretty boring lives by dressing a bit funny, taking a shit-ton of drugs and dancing like a loon. Every person who writes about ‘THE DOOM OF THE DANCE’ sounds like they think everyone is stupid and can’t make decisions for themselves.

I remember a time when I talked about King Crimson and Tangerine Dream, and all my friends were listening to Hardcore Punk. I was an idiot in their eyes with little to no taste. It’s a little different now, fashion has come around to my way of thinking, which is a little un-nerving. I started by making noise, I make mostly disco stuff now. I dig through flea markets for Italo and Ambient albums. I should, in theory, be king of the hipsters. But, you know, I don’t dress funny so people generally leave me alone. Although Goth is quite hip now too so I’ve literally no idea what will happen with my social standing. But I suspect it will stay exactly the same.

The plethora of articles make everyone feel a little smug except me. It makes me feel sorry for everyone, the writers, the artists, coke freak club owners, the little lost people looking for a place to be, to belong. We felt like that once, right? It’s universal.

We reduce it all to money and disgust at greed. It’s more than that, and you know it. It also doesn’t really matter. People acting snooty because some people choose to spend their money on something you think is stupid. It works on the assumption that people must actually LIKE music. From my experience, most people don’t really like it, they use it like a social tool. Maybe it’s sad because you can’t identify with that?

Just because you wake up thinking of music, writing music, dreaming music doesn’t mean EVERYONE is. You knew that though, correct?

I got a pretty high tolerance for awful films, I don’t see people writing articles about that. You smug fucks. What do you want? Decent radio stations? Decent, corrupt, pay-per-play stations? Who cares about those dinosaur parts of the music biz? All these articles ignore all those artists who slowly carve out their own careers on the side lines, who run their tiny labels, do their tiny shows, occasionally have to find a day job for a bit. Those who were lucky enough to see a little bit of money come their way from their hard work and dedication.

For the last time, stop worrying. Or at least admit you just want the money. All of us who do it for the love will still be here after your fucking bubble bursts motherfucker…

I have excellent news for the world…

…There is no such thing as Synthwave. It does not exist. It’s a figment of a lame cunt’s imagination. There was never any such thing as Synthwave. It was the polite thing to say when you were trying to explain you were not into the boring old retro-dance but you didn’t dare to say Disco because you were afraid to get kicked out of the fucking party and they wouldn’t give you coke anymore. There’s New Beat, there’s House, there’s EBM, there’s Italo, there’s Electro, there’s Techno, there’s Balearic , there’s Spacesynth. But Synthwave doesn’t mean shit.

(MASSIVE WINK)

Before Butopia

Thorough research has today uncovered some startling new evidence, no longer taught in the schools and universities of this great land of Butopia – In fact less than 100 years ago this place was known under a completely different name, complete with different customs, rituals and even jobs.

Butopia, our noble land, from the Bubble Tea fountain at Effervescent Square, to the monument to the Tapioca Massacre of 2067 – Butopia, The Land of the Refreshingly Free’s origins were considered by many to be a mystery after records became destroyed and the majority of adults aged 20 – 50 died from a mysterious nutritional disorder in the early 21st Century.

From records recently unearthed and the testimony of a man who has spent the majority of his adult life in a home for the mentally ill, only recently declared sane we have pieced together an idea of what our beloved Butopia used to be like.

What we can reveal was that as early as 2012, Butopia was called Germany – It had a proud tradition of hearty food, re-contextualised nudity and outside of one or two major disagreements with the rest of the world the German people were a forthright, hardworking and often even friendly nation much like we are now.

Problems began to appear around 2009 when the first Bubble Tea shops started to appear in the country’s capital, then called Berlin (we now know this as the wondrous city of Head Office) – At first, we’re told that the Bubble Tea we now obtain all our dietary needs from was initially sold as a novelty drink, mostly popular with teenagers and what could be considered ‘White Trash People’. The city known as Berlin was a prime space for Bubble Tea because despite being the capital city of the country known as Germany, many people had fled from the city as there was very little in the way of work.

The solution to this of course was Bubble Tea. One after the other, Bubble Tea outlets opened up, replacing butcher shops, bakeries, late night bars and clubs. It is funny to think of this now but top company pleasure centre ‘Bubblehain’, used to be a popular night spot called Berghain, which specialized in a particular brand of repetitive machine music known as ‘Technological Music’

Soon, because of the lack of jobs, everyone started working in Bubble Tea shops. Replacing all, so called ‘traditional’ forms of employment. The trend continued all over the country of Germany. Until one day mid 2013 when dissent began in the nation’s capital, the first of two over many years but both distinct – The Company VS The People and The Brand Wars.

We all know now that rival brand Bubble Xpress were run by a child molester and racist, if we go by the records in our glorious company’s record office (formerly known as Leipzig)

But even Butopia’s system of exchange was different. According to our source, the people of Germany used a system of plastic paper called “currency” – In fact, we were told that the “currency” they used was shared with a number of other countries causing massive problems for the working people of those places. Unfortunately due to the radiation coming from the other side of the great wall of Butopia we cannot confirm these details as of yet. But we hope we can soon.

So what do you think? Is it all made up? Where did our great buildings come from and where did the adults go? A conspiracy or, merely the great work of our beloved Head Office?

Let us know your thoughts through your psychophone communicator right now!

BUBBLE TEA

BUBBLE TEA

BUBBLE TEA

Antoni Maiovvi – Low On Rent Volume 1

Selected here from his vast archive are tracks written somewhere between 2009 and the start of 2010. The original session files have either been lost during hard drive failures or stolen along with the laptop I had go missing early 2010.

You are actively encouraged to pay a little more for this release as I am literally “Low On Rent” everything helps get me out of this situation. Upon request I can send WAV files direct to your email.

So here we have Low On Rent Volume 1 – Spaced out Italopop, Proggy Weirdness and Emotional Synthpop for your enjoyment!

With Love
Antoni Maiovvi