Your Precious EDM

In the wake of Paris Hilton’s debut DJ performance in Brazil, blandness, regularity and boredom reign. This might just be a problem with pop culture in general but I digress from my “awesome point”.

I can’t just see it as sexism, although there seems to be a lot of it involved. I’m no fan of Ms. Hilton, I did watch her porno, she seemed into it. It’s nice when people are in love. Isn’t it? Passion is nice, no? So aside from accusations of “She doesn’t even like music” type comments, “I quit” dramatics, “LOL. Slutty Lady” quips and similarities drawn between Peter Hook’s magic equation: Mix CD + Mad Filter Skills = I’m Awesome. The most disturbing observations come suffixed with three letters: E, D and M.

I was born in the 80s, I remember seeing Altern-8 on Top Of The Pops, I remember Normski, I liked the dancing girls, I liked the fact the video’s made my mum say “I’m getting a headache” – Yet, I didn’t like Dance Music as much as other types, perhaps I didn’t observe  something. Yet somehow between the Dance Chart on The Chart Show and now I missed out on the prefix of the Electronic to Dance Music, presumably this was to make a distinction between this and disco, which was real people playing Electronic Dance Music (Might I suggest REDM for this, I mean it would be such a fucking crime to get Daft Punk and Ganymed mixed up now wouldn’t it?).

Aside from this the use of EDM seems to be from people who don’t really like fun, or as I suspect blindly tune out the reality of the situation.

So please, of course you’re entitled to your opinion, of course Paris Hilton as a DJ was going to be an exercise in “I’m so fucking rich” mixed with a huge helping of musical banality. But before you start crying on your knees, arms raised to the sky screaming “This is a disgrace to EDM” or “EDM is over!” Let’s spare a moment for these awesome moments of Electronic Dance Music you either don’t fucking know about or wilfully ignore, and then shut the fuck up.

Whatever D.M – They liken it to a nuclear attack – Damn right

 

Do you beliiiiiiieeeeeeeevvveee.D.M.

 

Oh no! EDM IS DAD!

 

E.Doop.M.

 

You just change ‘Baby’ to ‘Jesus’

 

EDM! Escucha me!

 

E-Rotic D.M. – She won’t let your dreams get wet. Max doesn’t want you to be sad, and his name is Max.

 

Yes. What IS going on? Hay sales. Drop That E! (D.M)

 

To quote Homer Simpson: “I hate Traffic, both the band and the phenomenon”

 

I heard they were addicted to crack, which means that yes Bass does lead to harder substances…

 

So let’s calm down…

One response to “Your Precious EDM

  1. ah what an incredible post. legendary. I would liken it to being locked inside a european budget hotel chain bedroom, having been stripped of cash by unscrupulous local restaurants, with two days before your Ryan air flight is due to return you to shitsville your bank account depleted to the point where you will be suffering a month of house arrest.

    The blanket rain outside is preventing you from going anywhere, so with a cheap bottle of red wine and each other for company you turn on the tv to watch the only free channel other than fox news, and it’s music. And this stuff is what is playing, punctuated only by adverts for ‘mind worm’ ringtones featuring cartoon characters on an infinity loop of childlike melodies. As the wine slowly hits your head like the aftershock of a slap to the face you slip into a daydream of watching Scooter and wishing you had ever done that amount of cocaine… sing with me ; ‘do you believe in life after love, I can feel something inside me say, I don’t believe you’re strong enough’

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