Thorough research has today uncovered some startling new evidence, no longer taught in the schools and universities of this great land of Butopia – In fact less than 100 years ago this place was known under a completely different name, complete with different customs, rituals and even jobs.
Butopia, our noble land, from the Bubble Tea fountain at Effervescent Square, to the monument to the Tapioca Massacre of 2067 – Butopia, The Land of the Refreshingly Free’s origins were considered by many to be a mystery after records became destroyed and the majority of adults aged 20 – 50 died from a mysterious nutritional disorder in the early 21st Century.
From records recently unearthed and the testimony of a man who has spent the majority of his adult life in a home for the mentally ill, only recently declared sane we have pieced together an idea of what our beloved Butopia used to be like.
What we can reveal was that as early as 2012, Butopia was called Germany – It had a proud tradition of hearty food, re-contextualised nudity and outside of one or two major disagreements with the rest of the world the German people were a forthright, hardworking and often even friendly nation much like we are now.
Problems began to appear around 2009 when the first Bubble Tea shops started to appear in the country’s capital, then called Berlin (we now know this as the wondrous city of Head Office) – At first, we’re told that the Bubble Tea we now obtain all our dietary needs from was initially sold as a novelty drink, mostly popular with teenagers and what could be considered ‘White Trash People’. The city known as Berlin was a prime space for Bubble Tea because despite being the capital city of the country known as Germany, many people had fled from the city as there was very little in the way of work.
The solution to this of course was Bubble Tea. One after the other, Bubble Tea outlets opened up, replacing butcher shops, bakeries, late night bars and clubs. It is funny to think of this now but top company pleasure centre ‘Bubblehain’, used to be a popular night spot called Berghain, which specialized in a particular brand of repetitive machine music known as ‘Technological Music’
Soon, because of the lack of jobs, everyone started working in Bubble Tea shops. Replacing all, so called ‘traditional’ forms of employment. The trend continued all over the country of Germany. Until one day mid 2013 when dissent began in the nation’s capital, the first of two over many years but both distinct – The Company VS The People and The Brand Wars.
We all know now that rival brand Bubble Xpress were run by a child molester and racist, if we go by the records in our glorious company’s record office (formerly known as Leipzig)
But even Butopia’s system of exchange was different. According to our source, the people of Germany used a system of plastic paper called “currency” – In fact, we were told that the “currency” they used was shared with a number of other countries causing massive problems for the working people of those places. Unfortunately due to the radiation coming from the other side of the great wall of Butopia we cannot confirm these details as of yet. But we hope we can soon.
So what do you think? Is it all made up? Where did our great buildings come from and where did the adults go? A conspiracy or, merely the great work of our beloved Head Office?
Let us know your thoughts through your psychophone communicator right now!