10 Habits Of Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves

1 – Blade Runner is cool now, people used to take the piss out of it, you can drop that into conversation. It’s cause there were two cuts. I (personally) quite like the original cut with the voice over cause it’s more gumshoe trash, you don’t have to, but if you say you do you will become “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves”

And think about it, that’s just PART 1. Fucking crikey, I know, I know. Let’s hit the pause button so we can take a break so we don’t implode in on ourselves… BUT WAIT that’s actually number:

2 – Don’t implode in on yourself. An “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” would never implode. They just wouldn’t do it. Maybe they’d get a hint of “oh sweet Christ, I think I’m about to implode!” but they never would say it out loud, and they would never actually do it. It’s pretty much why Habit 1 was so mind-blowing (and it was, face it), it was to sort the wheat from the chaff. The Chaff being you my misguided friend, but you won’t be Chaff no more if you read the rest of this list

3 – Lists are for squares. That goes for quizzes to. An “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” would already know the answer. It’s Yoda, no matter what the quiz you say “I don’t need to do it, I know the answer, it’s Yoda” say it clear and often. People will respect your insight. Then they will go fuck themselves while you watch but make sure you never…

4 – Cry. One “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” once took out his own eyeballs so he’d never have this problem again. I think it was after Wall-E came out or Up or Trucks or one of those things. So scared he was of ever breaking down again he dug ‘em out with a broken CD copy of Radiohead’s OK COMPUTER. This all made a lot of sense. He already knows the answer to the quiz thing (It’s Yoda).

5 – Lovemaking. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” only make the sweetest of love if there is a camera there. If there is no camera, DO NOT make love. EVER.

6 – Music. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” do not like music.

7 – Politics. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” do not like politics.

8 – Religion. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” are their own deity

9 – Health. “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” have no flaws and will live forever in a bubble of awesomeness within which there are nothing but OTHER “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” and a shit load of cameras for making sweet love. This is all their body needs to survive, they do not need food, but cocaine and alcohol are permitted. Which is why they are thin and “really cool”.

10 – “Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves” wouldn’t waste their time reading the 10 Habits Of Awesome Mega-Rad People Better Than You Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves. Because they are already awesome and cool.

So, now we know, why not take the quiz? Are you a “Awesome Mega-Rad Person Who WON’T Immediately Go Fuck Themselves”?

 

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